A baby is born
The delightful news about the birth of our first grandson, Rahul purported my wife to add a few notes on the congratulatory card she had bought. When I protested that there were enough well written wishes in print and the fact that my wife had already crowded the side of the page with many words of her own, she insisted I should add my own words. Reluctantly I wanted to add another congratulatory note to my son, but I thought I should a bit original. So I wrote,
“When a baby is born,
So is a mother, and a father & .....”
I submitted my share and then I learnt that what I had written was not new!
It took us over two months before we could cuddle the new addition to the family. After getting acquainted with not only the newborn but also the new mother and father, the short spells when I was able to cuddle him evoked new feelings and experiences. Trying to exclude all medical knowledge of child development I wanted to remain a grandfather and continuously awaited the correct signals from the new ‘mother’ as the baby was being exclusively breastfed. Fearful of breaking the routines lest the infant becomes fretful, I waited my turn to retain him in my arms.
The time did come, not very long after, and there was that short communication when he maintained his focus on me feeling delicate and appearing thoroughly innocent. It was at that point that I pondered as to what was going on in his mind. The eyes were bright and there were no distractions except for the blinking of his eye lids. I could recognise at least five differing expressions on his face , other than that due to his his cry. His tongue shot out rapidly as he tried to get a taste of his clenched hand. It lasted perhaps five minutes before he got bored and started exploring around. What was clear was the maturity of the muscles of the face and the uniqueness of the mind. He would never be able to tell me what went through his mind during the five minutes and I will never know his thoughts.
The brain is an amazing organ that continues to be explored. It develops so fast and remains active for a greater part of our life. What is astounding is the difficulty we all have as to how it works to coordinate the rest of the body. We are clouded by the functionality of the brain and the exhibition of its attributes as behaviour, mind and feelings. Is the mind a separate entity? The controversy will always invite intense discussion. The working of the mind has been the subject of research contributing to the development of a new field called psychology, originating not some 200 years ago
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The Locked-in Syndrome
The cuddling of our new infant and the attempted exploration of his thoughts brings me to a novel I read based on a Frenchman, chief editor of ‘Elle’ who unfortunately suffered a catastrophic stroke that affected his brain stem sending him into a coma for 20 days. Although he drew himself out of the comatose state, he was a total neurologic ‘vegetable’ requiring mechanical support and total nursing care. Jean-Dominque Bauby was totally paralysed except for his ability to see the world through the window of one eye and being able to respond by blinking.
The ‘locked in syndrome’ Bauby suffered illustrtaes the frustrations of a 45 year old man who had been a writer all his life, wanting to portray the inner strength he has in expressing his feelings to the outside world. He articulates these feelings through Claude Mendibil who ‘painstakingly translates Bauby’s inner feelings and thoughts into works based on the flicker of his eyelids. Clearly Claude retains an amazing understanding of his past life and his present predicament. Alive he is, but he fears the loneliness and suffers the frustrations of his invalidity. The book composed by Claude entitled ‘The Diving Bell and the Butterfly’ clearly reflects on Bauby’s isolation as if confined under an impenetrable metallic bell despite being aware there is a huge wide world out there. The brightness of the butterfly is one to be admired but as Bauby feels, while one knows about its beauty, its life is rather short.
Although Bauby did not suffer his entrapment for long (he died) the earnestness to share his feelings with care givers and others makes the book good reading. One can’t deny the compartmentalised way patients are treated nowadays and this is well portrayed in the book. He has sufficient time to reflect on the days he spent giving his aged 93 year father a shave and the unplanned trip he makes to the 'Lourdes' in Rome with Josephine , his wife who spends a greater part of the drive to the Holy Land reading about the life of Charles Sobraj in ‘The Trail of a Snake’. He relents his poor understanding of religion when he is reluctant to wait in the half mile queue outside the Basilica when he is curtly told off by Josephine ‘it would do a sinner like you good!’ He also recollects the wink he gives a waiting invalid devotee who responds by sticking his tongue out when he blushed ‘stupidly scarlet'.
The systematic way he dissects the nursing care he gets at the naval hospital in France is worthy of note and would be a motivating factor in teaching the novices in the medical field about empathy and holistic care. The daily daily he goes through, as if being processed like some dirty laundry, is poignantly portrayed rather melancholically. He has little embarrassment to contend with as his carers turn him on his special bed, clean everypart of his body, change his urianry catheter, transport him in wheel chair and at times ,leave him alone for hours on end permitting him to watch TV where the channel is not changed although he prefers to watch documentaries. He describes the ugly side of an ophthalmologist who comes to stitch up his ‘lazy eye’ not realizing the benefit of it in avoiding the eye drying up and developing corneal ulcers. The fear of having the good eye (the only window to the world) stitched up similarly shows the lack of communication between patient and doctor.
Exuberating humour Buaby observes a demented woman who bites nurses, seizes the genital of orderlies and screams 'fire' invoking unintended fear in the ward. She is often left screaming her lungs out. He dreads Sundays when his visitors fail to arrive, no physiotherapists, no speech therapists and no psychiatrists. He feels Sundays are like crossing a desert. Even the nurses on duty are pre-occupied with their own gloom and lethargy recovering from their visits to the pubs on Saturday night. He sees how time gallops away and yet no one is around to read him the books that are aplenty in the ward.
Decision making and the Working of the Mind
The decision to treat terminal illness and those who find no quality in life is fraught with much controversy and disdain. Theologians leave the answer to divinity and the pragmatists profess assisted euthanasia as a way out. Doctors are ever in a quandary when the mechanical respirator should be disconnected. Albert Einstein was suffering from severe abdominal pain towards the end of his career when he was diagnosed with impending rupture of an abdominal aneurysm. When surgery was being contemplated he declined retorting that he has had a good life and that he be left alone with some papers and pen so that he could put his mathematical thoughts till the end. Although admitted to a hospital in Princeton he passed away on the 18 April 1955 without further intervention having completed some 10 pages of mathematcial formulae
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The saints and sages contemplate working on the soul to move to an ' upper level of conscious state', to Nirvana, devoid of the working of the ‘monkey mind’. Self realization is a state of mind that keeps one at peace with oneself. Again one questions what is the 'mind' and if there is an anatomical location for it. The pineal body was once thought to be the seat of the mind. Without going into any controversy I am reflecting on what my grandson was thinking as he focussed his eyes on me for that short five minutes, as the eyes were intense and deep thoughts were inevitable. Bauby was consciously expressing his feelings though trapped within his ‘mind’. He was not meditating but if he had been taught the elements of meditation he may have been able to detach him to a state of conscious that would have made his existence less painful. He may not have to bear the pain of seeing the less than empathetic treatment he alludes to. Indeed it is perplexing how the mind works!
Sivalingam N
31 Dec 2011
